Like mother, like son

We went to a BBQ yesterday and Jake was playing in the sandpit, happy as Larry. R was slaving over a hot BBQ with Joe in the other hand and I was eating, when we both couldn't spot Jake any more. Suddenly R heard crying from behind the cars, thrust Joe at me and sprinted over there. There was a deep ditch running beside the road which is always filled with deep water. Except now, because they are working on the ditch so they drained it. Jake apparently got curious and walked to the edge of the ditch, where there is a sheer drop, cunningly disguised by tall grass. He fell into the ditch, face first.

The bottom of the ditch was a thick layer of black sludge that stank to high heaven. Jake was frightened, filthy, soaking wet and covered in grazes. We were terrified and soooo relieved the ditch had been drained! R took him home to bathe him and get him into some dry clothes. I stayed there, calming my wildly beating heart!

In a bizarre case of history repeating itself, I also fell into water, in a canal, when I was the same age. I was plucked out by a good Samaritan who gave me mouth-to-mouth and saved my life. I was luckily wearing a plastic rain poncho that had an air bubble trapped under it and kept me afloat. Like mother, like son...!

Coughs, fevers and lots of snot

The following was written over the space of a week or two, charting Jake's first serious illness:

Sunday 5 October
On Thursday morning I took Jake to have his next lot of jabs. He got the meningitis one and the MMR one. He's really suffering from the meningitis one, poor thing! On Friday afternoon he started a bout of incessant crying and moaning and being extremely clingy. He's been like this on & off ever since. Last night he developed a high fever and he had it again today. I'm really hoping it will pass soon, cos I feel so sorry for him. Also, he'll start to suffer from the MMR one after 7 - 10 days, so I'd really like a break from clingy-whingey Jake for a few days!

Monday 6 October
Poor little Jake got even worse today. I woke him up this morning and he was roasting - took his temperature and he had 40.5 degrees. At that point I decided to call the doctor as this couldn't be from the vaccinations any more. He's had a cold with a nasty cough for a few weeks now, which has got worse over the last few days, so I figured it was probably that more than the jabs. While he was at my parents for a couple of hours before the dr's appointment, he was just lying listlessly against my dad on his lap and fell asleep there. He lay him on the sofa where he slept till we had to go. He never normally sits still for a second, so it was really worrying to see him like that.

The dr checked him out and he has pneumonia. Apparently the vaccinations compromise your immune system, so it was just bad timing and getting the jabs gave his cough the chance to develop into something worse. He's on antibiotics now, so hopefully he'll get better soon. I left him with my parents today and he was either asleep or slumped on one of their laps. When I got him home this evening, he just sat with me on the sofa and drank from his cup. He's thankfully been drinking bucket loads of water, but has gone completely off his food - apart from a couple of bowls of porridge, he has eaten nothing for 2 days. He still has a high temperature, but I'm really hoping that will go down tomorrow.

Tuesday 7 October
Jake's had a much better day today. He was still very clingy and preferred to be sat on a lap. If you put him down his legs would buckle. He ate tiny little bits but actually had some pasta this evening, followed by a Danone. I think the antibiotics are kicking in. He still had a fever of 39 degrees tonight though, so we're not there yet, but he's so much better than yesterday. I have faith that he will be even better tomorrow.

Thursday 9 October
Jake has taken a turn for the worse again. He woke up this morning with his PJ's and sleeping bag soaked in the most watery, sour-smelling diarrhoea I've ever seen. We actually had to give him a bath, it was everywhere. Poor boy was crying his head off and his balls and bum were bright red. All he's eaten today are 2 Danones and half a cracker. His temperature was up at 39.5 again tonight and this morning, so I think I'll go back to see the doctor tomorrow. My poor little boy!

He's drinking loads, he has his cup of water in his hand all the time he's awake. The paracetamol does bring his fever down too, but as soon as enough hours have passed, his fever shoots up again. He's lost a lot of weight already and I'm a bit worried now that he's developed diarrhoea as well.

Friday 10 October
Well, the Jake saga continues! (it is non-stop!!) Went to see the doc this morning because he also threw up all over his bed last night and he sent us on to the hospital to see a paediatrician. In the hospital they said he is recovering from the pneumonia, but he got gastroenteritis on top of that, which was exacerbated by the antibiotics. So now the main thing is to make sure he gets plenty of fluids - food isn't important, he'll 'catch up' with eating when he's feeling better. If he gets any worse over the weekend, I have to come straight back to the hospital, but the paediatrician expected him to start feeling a lot better over the next couple of days. He's lost quite a bit of weight but not enough to be admitted. I was very relieved about that. He's fast asleep now and I managed to get a few spoonfuls of porridge into him before he went to bed. Hope the doc was right and he'll be back to his laughing, climbing, playing self very soon.

He slept for a good FOUR hours this afternoon and seemed quite cheerful after that. We went to my mum's birthday and he was fairly chatty, walking around grabbing stuff and he drank LOADS and ate a few crackers. Then after 2 hours of seeming almost back to normal, he suddenly slumped and started crying incessantly, so we put him to bed. He then slept for a few hours more and when we got him up, he had a Danone and half a cracker. He's now back in bed. Friends of ours with their kids were meant to visit tomorrow, but we've cancelled as he's in no state to have visitors, especially not small kids he loves to play with. He's still running a fever, but a bit less than yesterday, so fingers crossed he's past the low point.

Saturday 11 October
I'm happy to report he really is doing a lot better. He had almost a whole bowl of porridge this afternoon, followed by a ginger biscuit. He hasn't had a fever all day, although he feels hot now. It's a massive improvement though!

Sunday 12 October
We've just got back from the hospital with Jake. Again. His fever peaked again this afternoon. The doc said it was probably just the after-effects of his pneumonia & stomach bug but to keep an eye on it. Poor little thing.

Monday 13 October
Unfortunately, Jake is still poorly. He had a high temperature again this morning so I packed him off to my parents' place, where he was really listless all morning and just wanted to sit on laps and have books read to him. He then slept for four hours, after which he was a little more lively. He didn't have much dinner this evening and he's got diarrhoea again, poor thing.

Thursday 16 October
When his fever spiked again on Monday, it seems like he got rid of the last vestiges of his illness. He hasn't had a fever since, he's eating well, sleeping well and he's back to his playful, mischievous ways. He did wake up screaming at 2.30 on Tuesday night, but I think he has a tooth coming through that was giving him grief as I finally gave him a paracetamol and he went straight to sleep.

Today
Happily, Jake has just got better & better since then, although he has a fever of 39.8 this evening. Hopefully that's just a remnant of all of the above. I've always thought that must be the worst thing about being a parent - seeing your child suffer. I was right.

Hot tea and other conversations

Walking is old hat now - Jake walks everywhere and even sometimes runs a little bit. He has also discovered climbing. Climbing on the sofa. Climbing on a chair. Climbing on a stool. Climbing up a step ladder. Climbing up onto the windowsill! Climbing back down usually happens fairly incident-free, but of course we have the odd tumble to contend with. He has also mastered climbing up the steps of his slide and sliding back down, rather than climbing up the slide and clambering down the steps, which is what he used to do! A lot of people say I won't have a moment's peace now that he's walking, but it has actually made life a lot easier. He can walk to and from the car by himself, so I can carry the groceries without the added weight of Jake. If R and I are feeling lazy we even get him to bring things to us.

Another change that has made life easier is that he understands a lot. If we say "Take this to mummy/daddy" he knows exactly who to go to. If he's playing with his food, I'll say "Yum, for Jakey" and he'll put it in his mouth. He also understands the word 'no' although this doesn't always have the desired effect! He's developing quite a stubborn streak along with everything else and he can be quite defiant when the mood takes him. We're trying to be strict and teach him clearly where the limit lies, but sometimes it's very hard to suppress our laughter!

When I'm feeding him and the bowl is empty, I will always show him the empty bowl and say "All done!" as I put my hands up in the air. A few weeks ago I had finished feeding him and he peered in his empty bowl. He threw his chubby little arms up in the air and cried out "Oh-da!" Now he says it all the time and not only for food, but also if we've finished reading a book or a song ends. His other favourite word is "Opa" (Dutch for grandpa). He adores my dad and will constantly call out "Opa!" when he's at their house and my dad is out of sight. When I drive over there and pull up in the driveway, he will look out of the window and say "Opa!" with a big smile on his face. Of course he can do no wrong when he's with my dad!

A couple of days ago I was drinking a mug of tea and he always wants to see what I'm drinking. I let him look in the mug and I said "Tea. It's hot" and I blew on it. He looked at me, touched the mug and said questioningly "Tea? Ot." and blew on his fingers. It's moments like those that make me swell with motherly pride!

I speak English to him and R speaks Dutch to him so we're hoping he will be entirely bilingual, which would be great. Even with his extremely limited vocabulary at the moment, he can make so much clear to us and with every day that passes, life with Jake is becoming less of a guessing game.

Much of a oneness

Jake is 1 (one)! It has been one whole year since we sat in that hospital room, breathing through contractions, pushing pushing pushing and then that surreal night with a whole actual baby in the crib beside me. That little baby that was a complete stranger to me. That tiny being who cried and slept and fed on a continuous cycle. It's hard to remember what he was actually like then, when I look at our little boy walking around, the little boy that I now know through and through.

On Saturday 5th July we woke up our birthday boy by singing happy birthday to him. We had bought a Little Tikes playhouse for him, which R had set up in the living room, so when we came downstairs, the first thing he saw was his new house. Wide-eyed, he toddled over to it, opened the door and went in. That was pretty much what he did for the rest of the day - door open, go inside, close door, crawl out through hole in side of house, door open...etc. When he went down for his nap, we put the house in the garden as it was a lovely, sunny day.

In the afternoon, loads of people came to celebrate Jake's first birthday. Family, our good friends, his little friends from church and my prenatal yoga group and our neighbours. I had baked 5 different cakes, including a special birthday cake in the shape of Pilchard the cat from Bob the Builder. All the kids were playing happily in the new playhouse and Jake was happy one moment and completely overwhelmed the next, so I spent quite a bit of time carrying him around so he could survey his party from the safety of my shoulder. We all sang to him and let him "blow" out the candle on his cake, after which he went down for a much-needed nap. In the evening (after he'd slept for 3 hours!) he was delighted to find that two families had stayed for dinner with in total 4 kids that he knows and adores. He got no shortage of attention as the 4 kids fought to entertain him in all manner of ways. Altogether it was a great day with lots of great company, super presents and loads of attention for the birthday boy.

Two days after his birthday, I was sitting on the sofa when suddenly Jake walked by. Walked all by himself without any encouragement from us! He had a huge grin on his face and walked so confidently. It was as if he already knew how to do it, but decided to wait until he was 1. For the rest of the day, that was all he did - walk, walk and walk some more. Since that day, he has gone from strength to strength and is walking better and better each day. Occasionally he drops to his knees and crawls a bit, but for the most part he chooses to walk now. His playhouse has been moved indoors now due to bad weather and he spends all day walking in and out of his little front door, occasionally even running a few steps if daddy is chasing him.

At the moment, Jake isn't a very happy bunny. He's getting two molars simultaneously and they are giving him so much pain. I remember what it felt like to get my wisdom teeth, so I sympathise. He wakes frequently during the night and whimpers in pain for a minute or two. He's also trying to chew his way through his entire toy collection - anything that will fit in his mouth gets given a good chew. Hopefully they will soon come through and we will get our sunny, happy little boy back. We've chosen not to take him to the daycare centre because he simply needs too much individual attention right now. He went there for his first 2 full days last week and loved it! The girls there were completely infatuated with him and he exhausted himself playing with all the kids and toys there.

All in all, lots and lots of changes for our boy Jake. I can't believe he's only been in our lives for a year - what a year it has been!

Walk this way

On the 1st of June Jake took the next step in his development. Literally. R had been off-road driving for a day and Jake and I went to pick him up. There, in the middle of the forest, R put Jake down on the ground, where he stood all by himself for a few moments. Then he lifted his foot and took a step, followed by another and another and another. Jake was walking!! None of that stumbling and falling for our boy though - each step he took was very controlled and confident. We went mad, cheering and clapping, whereas Jake just looked really indifferent. He's done it quite often since and if R and I sit down on the floor, he will walk from one to the other, giggling away. He still prefers crawling though, as he's much faster that way, but I'm sure he will soon dispense with crawling altogether as soon as he discovers how easy walking really is.

Last weekend I was changing Jake's nappy and thought he had some nappy rash. Later on that same day, R changed his nappy and called for me to come and look. He had loads of blisters around his groin and tummy. Chicken pox. Then he also got them on his back, loads on his face, in his neck and ears and on his willy. Poor thing. However, by some stroke of luck, he didn't get itchy! It looked really bad, especially as he had so many in his face (I counted the pox on one cheek and lost count at 30) but he wasn't bothered by them in the slightest. He got quite a high fever at one point and was quite clingy then, but other than sleeping a bit more than normal, he didn't react to the chicken pox at all. The good thing is that he will have fully recovered by the time his first birthday comes around but he got it close enough to his first birthday to build up sufficient immunity so he won't get it again.

At the moment Jake goes to my parents and a friend on the days that I work. This arrangement was particularly great when he was really little and I found leaving him behind enough of a wrench. However, now that he's becoming older, I've noticed how he thrives on contact with other children. In the primary school two doors down from our house there is a daycare centre that has a really good reputation. I've been for a look around there and we decided to enroll Jake from the age of 1 for the days that he would normally go to my friend. Last week he spent his first afternoon there as a kind of 'practice run'. It went really well - Jake loved it and was completely hyper when we picked him up. The staff there were really impressed with him and he charmed them all! Today he had his second practice run and when I went to pick him up, he was fast asleep after a busy afternoon eating, playing in the sandpit and taking all the plastic trucks down off the shelf. He will miss my friend and her kids, but I think he will love all the kids at daycare and all the toys they have there.

Sunday before last it was father's day and we'd gone away for the weekend. We were staying with friends who live by the sea and Jake was sleeping in our room in his travel cot. In the morning (after a horrendous storm in the night that he slept right through) we woke up to Jake standing upright in his cot, a huge smile plastered across his face, exclaiming "Papa!!" He was so happy to see his dad upon waking and said 'papa' for the first time - what an excellent father's day present! He's not using proper words most of the time, but mama and papa are definitely part of his vocabulary. When we went to pick up my parents this week when they returned from a holiday in China, he said 'Opa' (grandpa) as well, so his vocabulary is slowly growing!

What I can't believe is how quickly everything seems to be going at the moment. It seems as though he doesn't change at all for a while and then suddenly he will do all kinds of new things at once. Sometimes it scares me because it feels like our little baby boy is slipping away from us and becoming a little boy in his own right. I know that is what is meant to happen, but at times I just want to stop the clock and savour the moment. I love getting to see more of Jake's character though - he's such a sweet boy and he has a good sense of humour. I love spending time with our little boy.

Let the sunshine in

At the beginning of this month we had a week's holiday in the south of France. We had a fantastic time and Jake did soooo well, we were so proud of him! It was a hellishly long drive (around 12 hours) and he spent it mainly playing and sleeping. Once we were on the camp site, it was as if he'd never been anywhere different! He slept so well and loved playing in his baby pool and eating all the sand on the beach. And he looked adorable in his shorts and sandals!

It was lovely seeing how much he developed with the 24/7 attention he was getting from us. While we were there, he started instigating games. He pulled a blanket over his head and when we said "Where's Jake gone?" he would suddenly pull the blanket off and laugh when we shouted "Peek-a-boo!!" Then, when we were in the car going back home, he played peek-a-boo by putting his fists over his eyes. He's also now able to make it much clearer what he wants, which makes life a lot easier - it's no longer all a guessing game.

We had another week at home when we got back from France - it was gorgeous weather and it was so nice just to have some quality family time. It was during this week that Jake started 'cruising' - walking around the furniture. He sometimes does a step or two without holding onto anything so I don't think it will take very long before he's walking for real. In the evenings he will walk along the sofa and stop at my knees, hold out his little arms and make an "Ah-ah" sound until I pick him up. He only wants a quick cuddle and then he'll try to get back down so he can continue his journey along the sofa to daddy. The same ritual there and then after his cuddle, he will 'cruise' back to mummy. This can go on for quite a while... Of course, if the cat is on the sofa, he will get distracted by her and after some poking, fur-pulling and tail-tweaking, he will inevitably get whacked across the cheek by her paw!

Poor Jake was a sickly little bunny yesterday. I'd picked him up from my parents' after work and he threw up all over himself in the car. He'd just had a strawberry yoghurt, so everything stank of sour strawberries! He was all pale, even his lips, and he kept groaning. When we got home, R put him in the bath and he threw up again there. Then I got him dressed and was almost done when he threw up all over himself again. Got him changed and put him in his high chair, where he threw up over himself again. Tried to give him a few bites to eat, but he didn't want much. Took him upstairs to get him ready for bed and he threw up all over his bedroom floor. I felt so sorry for him as his tummy obviously hurt - he kept doubling over and groaning. I finally breastfed him and put him to bed - it was the only thing he kept down. Today he had a bit of a temperature and was really clingy and passive (he was at my parents' again) but he had a cracker and some banana and in the evening he had a whole bowl of rice and chicken, which all stayed down. I think he's over it now, so it really was a 24-hour thing. My poor little boy!

He's becoming more and more of a real little person to us as his character becomes more pronounced. It's so nice to see him actively want to be with us. It's also incredibly sweet when this tiny little man crawls over and deposits a book in your lap because he wants to be read to or stamps his feet because he wants you to sing "If you're happy and you know it, stamp your feet". Sometimes in the evenings, when he's in bed, I actually miss him because I just love spending time with him so much. He's our little boy and our very big friend.

Crawling to a standstill

On the 31st of January we were watching Jake move around on the ground - he was getting up on hands and knees and dropping back onto his belly and pulling himself forward. Suddenly he got up on hands and knees, moved one hand forwards, followed by one knee and the other hand and knee. Our baby was crawling!! He crawled a metre or so and then dropped back down onto the ground in an exhausted slump. Since then, he's been going from strength to strength. He can crawl the entire length of our house in one go and at an impressive speed too. He can follow us around now, which is funny - you always know where he is though, from the slap-slap sound of his hands on the floor.

As if learning to crawl wasn't enough, a week ago R was home on his day off with Jake. He was crawling around (Jake, not R) and crawled into a corner where we have a footstool and an African drum. Jake pulled himself up using the footstool and then performed a standing drum solo! Standing!! He spent much of the rest of the day intermittently crawling and standing. R filmed Jake standing and e-mailed the video clip to me at work. I was stunned! He now regularly pulls himself up so he's standing and sometimes even does little sideways steps. He hasn't figured out that letting go makes him fall over backwards though, so we have to place cushions on the floor behind him when he's practising his standing. He has a few tumbles, but nothing that a kiss and cuddle can't cure.

A fortnight ago I took Jake swimming and he absolutely loved it. He was kicking his legs, splashing around, squealing happily. I really enjoyed sharing my favourite sport with him, so I took him to Baby & Toddler Swimming a few days ago. This was a proper lesson with an instructor and we started with singing a few songs and moving the kids around in the water. Then we tried letting them swim under water, which I hadn't tried with Jake yet. He didn't mind at all, so we did it a few more times and then I let him go briefly. He swam straight to the surface, his strong little legs pumping away in the water. He's a real water baby, just like his mum!

The teeth have been coming up at the rate of knots - Jake has 7 teeth now and his 8th has been troubling him for a week, so that one's not far off. He's been putting the teeth to good use too - we've expanded the foods he's tried to include sweet potato, porridge, apple, mango, pear, banana, chicken, broccoli, cauliflower, green beans, carrots and yoghurt. He loves everything. The freezer is full of fresh food frozen in ice cube trays and he gets a few cubes a couple of times a day. In between I give him baby biscuits and bread sticks as a snack, which he crunches on happily with his new little teeth. It's lovely making food for him because he eats so well. He still breastfeeds a lot in between, although this is becoming a little less as he eats more solid food. I cherish those moments though, as you never know how long they will last.

It's great seeing all the developments Jake is experiencing, but sometimes it's all going just a bit too fast for me. He's really not a baby any more and at times I miss the baby Jake. When he wakes up early, I take him to bed with me and he'll fall asleep while he's feeding. It's at moments like those, when he's fast asleep in my arms, snoring softly, that he's a real baby again and I love the closeness. I will watch him sleep and he's such a gorgeous little boy with his chubby cheeks, tiny button nose and little rosebud mouth. I never expected to feel so strongly about a little person I've only known for 7 months, but I love him with an intensity that is almost frightening.

All I want for Christmas...

Well, Jake didn't get his two front teeth for Christmas, but now, two weeks later, he's got them! I can't believe our little boy has 4 teeth already. We did have a great Christmas though - it was so special to have our first Christmas and new year's eve as a family. Jake had a special Christmas jumper with a snowman on it and Christmas pyjamas. And a t-shirt saying 'My First Christmas'. And Christmas trousers. And a spare Christmas jumper, just in case. I think I just might have got a little over-excited about Jake's first Christmas...!

We spent Christmas Eve at my parents' house, as per usual, and Jake slept as we had a delicious meal. We decided to skip the presents this year - the pile of presents was growing so ridiculously large with each passing year and none of us fancied the present-buying stress. It was strangely liberating to have Christmas without presents! On Christmas morning we went to church and it was so nice to see all the babies from this year's church baby-boom, all dressed up for Christmas. In the afternoon both our families came over for dinner & drinks. Jake got a bit too much attention and got rather weepy from being over-stimulated. On Boxing Day we went to friends of ours where we got together with a large group of friends, as we do each year. The group is growing as the number of babies increases and it's nice to see how they're all developing. Jake was incredibly smiley and happy and stole the show!

New Year's Eve we had some friends over to our place and we had a BBQ. It was good fun and Jake slept through a large part of the fireworks. When he did wake up, it was in full panic-mode, understandably. Breastfeeding him calmed him down and he then let us have a lie-in till about 10 am, for which we were grateful.

Since 2008 has started, Jake has been moving full speed ahead. Literally. He isn't quite crawling yet, but he pulls himself along with his arms and pushes with his legs. This way, he gets everywhere he wants to be - and fast! He was already Speedy Gonzales in his walker, but he's almost as fast on his own steam. We scatter his toys around the room and he wriggles from one to the next, having a quick chew on each toy as he gets to it. At regular intervals he gets up onto his hands and knees and sways to and fro. He hasn't quite put the two movements together yet, but it's only a matter of time now.

The second 'big boy' thing is that he's now eating solids. Early January he turned 6 months and we gave him his first solid food in the form of a bowl of baby rice porridge. The first few spoonfuls were met with a scrunched up face, but he soon got into the swing of things and was trying to pull the spoon and bowl from my hands before long. Since then, we've had one bowl of porridge every evening and he seems to like it. We tried puréed carrots a few days ago but that only made him gag and, eventually, cry, so we'll try that again in a while. The rest of the time he's still breastfeeding and we both enjoy that, so we'll try to keep that up for as long as possible.

It's amazing how quickly it's all going. I had 3 weeks' holiday over Christmas and in those 3 weeks he got more teeth, started almost crawling and had his first solid food! He's also changed a lot in other ways. His fine motor skills are really developed now and he can sit in his chair for ages inspecting a toy or burp cloth or wooden spoon with great intensity. He can sit up without support for quite a long time now too, although when he gets distracted and wants to turn to see something, he'll topple over! He's a very happy, contented little boy and we just enjoy having him here so much.

In the tooth business

Last night, we put Jake to bed and he was inconsolable. I don't think I've ever heard him cry quite so heart-breakingly. R and I took turns comforting him, but he would just start crying again. Jake never does this - usually you put him down and he falls asleep. I thought he was in pain, so I gave him baby paracetamol and that did the trick - he finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

Not for long though... At 2 am a crying Jake woke us up again. I could not calm him down, so I fed him and he fell asleep at the breast. Cue 4 am: more crying. We left him to cry for a few minutes and he fell asleep again. The same scenario happened at 7 am. Finally, I got him up and fed him after which he was chewing on my finger. That's when I felt it - a sharp, hard bump in his lower gum. I felt again and that explained all the crying - Jake has cut his first tooth!! I was inordinately proud of our big boy. If you look at it under a light, you can see it quite clearly too. He isn't even 5 months old yet! I can't believe he's teething already. Jake seems to be doing everything at top speed - I'm already starting to miss the little baby he no longer is.

Fun and games

Jake is so much fun right now. He's just such a cheerful chap and he loves nothing more than being played with. A couple of days ago he discovered how to blow bubbles with his spit and he spends the whole day blowing bubbles accompanied by little sounds now. The result is a soaking wet t-shirt every day!

He just woke up from his late morning nap and all I could hear through the baby monitor was squeals and coos. When I came into his room, he was lying in his cot beaming at me and kicking his legs with excitement, before letting out a loud squeal to welcome me. While I was changing his nappy, he started giggling as soon as I touched his tummy and spent the whole time squirming on his changing mat, chortling and blowing bubbles.

He loves energetic games like being thrown up into the air or swooping around like an aeroplane. Bouncing him up and down on your knee or pretending to drop him are other things that entice big smiles and giggles. Other than that, he can sit and chew on his teething ring for ages as his teeth are still giving him some discomfort. I can feel one tooth just below the surface of his gums, so it won't be long before it comes through.

Jake can go for days without crying once and he really only cries when he's in pain or when I've made him wait too long for a feed because I'm busy doing other stuff. Over the weekend we had a big party to celebrate Jake's birth, our birthdays, our wedding anniversary and the housewarming. Jake was the perfect party baby! He slept for the first few hours, woke up briefly to charm everyone at the party, had a feed and then slept until late morning. All this when there were 50 people trudging through the house and commenting on all the rooms.

Time for a feed and some playtime now...

Growth spurt

We suspected Jake had been through a growth spurt recently. He was a bit restless and suddenly a whole load of his clothes no longer fit. A visit to the health visitor today confirned that. Our big little boy now weighs no less than 7030 g and he's 65.2 cm tall! The doctor predicted he will be 1.97 m tall when he is fully grown, but it could be 4 cm more than that. Wow. He's apparently in the 5th percentile, meaning 95% of Dutch boys are smaller than him at his age.

The doctor also confirmed our other suspicion - Jake is definitely teething. He's very early, but then he seems to be early with most things. I told the doctor he is really good in rolling over and she raised her eyebrows at that because most babies his age can't do that yet. When I lay him on the mat, he immediately flipped over, as if to prove a point! She was very impressed with his strength and muscle control. When she finally gave him his second lot of vaccinations, he only cried out once and then whimpered for a bit. He's such a champ!

This weekend we went away to the seaside with a whole group of friends, most of whom have slightly older kids. Everyone was so impressed with Jake and we were so proud! He was so cheerful and contented - he slept lots, smiled at everyone and chatted away to anyone who would listen. It was so nice for us to spend some time with our friends, catching up and it was also really good to be able to show off our big boy!

Survival

We survived my first week at work! The first day was soooooo hard. I spent the night before in tears and most of that morning. When I dropped Jake off at my parents' place, I knew he was in good hands, but I felt like something had just been surgically removed from me. It was the hardest thing ever and actually physically hurt. Luckily, I had a new job to go to and with all the first impressions and new information, the day flew by. I only called my mum twice and heard he was doing great. When I picked him up at the end of the day, I was the happiest woman in the world! My parents loved having him and he was such a sweetie. He fed well and slept for ages, smiling and playing the rest of the time. When we got home I breast fed him and was very relieved he didn't reject me after being bottle fed for the day. (I'm expressing milk at work and he gets that when I'm not around). Expressing my milk is going great too - I'm producing quite a stock! I think our freezer will have to be renamed the milk storage...

Tuesday and Thursday he was at my friend's place and her kids (aged 6 and 8) were thrilled that he was there. My friend is totally smitten with him and he did wonderfully again. My friend actually thanked me for letting her spend the day with my son! It's such a relief to know he's OK without us and makes going to work a bit easier. However, I'm not working Wednesdays and Fridays and love having a whole day with him again!

I find I'm willing the hours to pass quickly and so looking forward to the days I'm not working. My new job is great and my colleagues are lovely, but I just can't get into my work with the enthusiasm I'm used to. I need to work in order to be able to live in this house and to survive, basically, but my priorities have shifted dramatically with Jake very prominently as number 1. He is so much a part of me that it is simply impossible to carry on as normal when he's not with me.

Jake is in the middle of a new development right now. He had an awful night on Thursday when he woke up every 3 hours, like a newborn baby, and just wanted to feed the entire time. He's a bit clingy and grouchy and just not his usual cheerful self. Apparently it's very normal around the 3-month mark as they go through a big change then. He has just learned to roll over onto his tummy and loves to do this over and over and over again when he's in his playpen or on his play mat. He's so strong and will lie on his tummy for ages, holding his head up high and looking around. He's also dribbling a lot and chewing on anything he can get his hands on, so I suspect he might be getting his first tooth. A bit early, but then again, some babies are born with teeth, so anything is possible.

Every change in him is utterly fascinating and the more he interacts with us, the more smitten we both are with him. He is worth every tear shed for him and every bit of physical/emotional pain I have to go through for him. He's the most valuable treasure I could ever have imagined having and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him.

A new beginning

As if having a baby and moving house wasn't enough upheaval, I have to go back to work tomorrow. Not only will I be working again, but I'm starting a new job too! In a way, this is a blessing - I will be faced with so many new things at work that I won't have quite so much time to miss Jake. Also, being busy with Jake means I don't have quite so much time to get nervous about my new job! However, it is the start of a completely new phase in our life together and I'm dreading it more than I have ever dreaded anything. For the last 12 weeks, Jake and I have spent 24 hours a day together and now suddenly I have to leave him behind for a whole entire day. I will be leaving him with my parents (tomorrow) and my best friend (the other 2 days), so I know he'll be in good hands, but it's still a wrench.

It's ironic really - we've just settled into a routine and we know exactly what Jake's different sounds mean. Just as life is settling down a bit, it will all be in turmoil again. I have sterilised a whole lot of bottles and my frozen breast milk is thawing in the fridge. My breast pump is ready and waiting to be taken to work tomorrow and I have a bag full of nappies, change of clothes and a bottle warmer to take to my parents. I also have a heavy feeling in my heart and tears that are very close to the surface.

On the move

A big cheer for our little boy! Jake has been an absolute star. Imagine moving house. Imagine moving from a house you've spent the last 4 years accumulating stuff in - with an attic that's still got stacks of boxes from the last move. Imagine moving to a house that needs a fair bit of DIY before the move - a seperating wall to be built in the overly large bedroom, all the internal walls to be painted, wooden floors to be laid, plasterwork to be done and several rooms to be rewired - with only a week to do it all in. Imagine doing all of the above with an 8-week-old baby. That was the situation we were faced with a few weeks ago.

Luckily I have fantastic parents who were very willing to help in every way they could. Super Removal Team Mum & Dad started work a good week before the move. They appeared on our doorstep armed with boxes, tape and lunch and they just started packing up our entire house, room by room. After a couple of days, the house became uninhabitable for Jake and us, so we moved into my parents' house. R was in our new house working incredibly long hours, many together with his dad. I was in my parents' house, taking care of Jake and getting some much-needed rest myself. My parents were in our old house, taking the place by storm. It was a rather bizarre week, but it worked.

Jake made a few big steps in the 10 days we stayed with my parents. First of all, he started sleeping longer hours. He even slept for an 8-hour stretch one night, which took us by surprise - in a good way. Whereas I had always put him to bed only when he was already asleep, I tried putting him to bed awake to see what would happen. He grunted for a bit, let out a cry and then fell asleep. I tried it again for his next nap and again, he got himself to sleep. Now it doesn't matter whether I put him down asleep or awake - if he's tired, he'll go to sleep. For the last week or more he has been sleeping a minimum of 8 hours a night and even managed 9 hours 45 minutes last night!

We also had a first-time experience - my new boss had a BBQ & drinks evening that we'd been invited to. For the first time, we left Jake and went out, just the two of us. My mum had been left in charge with a bottle of my breast milk. I'd fed Jake just before we went out, so I was pretty sure he'd sleep till we got back. We spent the evening talking to and getting to know my new colleagues and it gave me a very positive feeling about starting my new job. After a couple of hours, my mum phoned, apologising profusely. She said Jake was inconsolable and was point-blank refusing the bottle. He needed his mummy. On the one hand, I was a little disappointed in having to leave so early, but on the other hand I swelled with pride at the knowledge that our child needed me.

We have now been living in the new house for a week and although it has been really hectic with a lot of DIY still going on, it already feels like home. We still have quite a few boxes to unpack, but we're getting there. Jake has taken to the new house like a fish to water. The first night he woke up once and was a little restless. Not too strange considering it was the first night that he had ever spent in a room on his own. I shed quite a few tears myself because I missed having him in his cradle beside us, but now he is sleeping through the night and I know I can be by his side in 5 quick steps.

Another first for Jake happened 3 days ago - R and I were changing him and suddenly he laughed! He has been smiling for quite a few weeks now, but now he accompanied his gorgeous smile with a deep chortle. So incredibly cute! We have had the pleasure of hearing his laugh quite a bit over the last few days and it just brightens up the whole day.

I feel like we haven't only moved physically, but we have moved on as a family too. Whereas I didn't have particularly strong feelings for Jake when he was first born, I now love him fiercely with a strength of feeling that sometimes takes my breath away. R and I recognise his cries and also the other little ways in which he makes his moods known to us. Jake responds to us in so many different ways and it's clear he adores both of us. He has now got to know his grandparents really well too, after living with them for 10 days and his face lights up when he sees them now. He's a sweet-tempered, happy little boy and he is such an integral part of our (extended) family now. Who had ever thought such a tiny little person could have such an impact on our lives?

Doctors and other adventures

After 6 days without a poo, Jake finally pooed again last Wednesday and a few times more since!! The paediatrician says it is probably that his digestive system just isn't fully developed yet and he'll grow out of it. Anyway, that day I was feeding him and he kept stopping, straining and groaning and then would carry on drinking. His little face would go bright red during the straining and finally it paid off - the fullest nappy ever! He had really bad stomach cramps later on though, just when we had dinner guests - poor little thing, he was clearly in so much pain. We're not there yet with him, but I hope things will improve as he develops further.

I went to a mother-and-baby morning from the breastfeeding organisation where I did a course. One of the other women there also had a very young son who wouldn't poo and he was on laxatives already. It was good to speak to someone who was experiencing something similar, although I hope we won't have to use medication to help Jake along. It looks like we'll manage without as he's pooing more & more frequently now.

The last couple of days Jake has been throwing up after every feed and sometimes even during the feed. Yesterday it kind of reached its peak with him throwing up a massive amount which must have been the entire feed or close to it. I phoned the paediatrician this morning and made an appointment for him to call me back at the end of the day. However, they called me back 2 minutes later and asked me if I could come to the hospital straight away. I bundled Jake into the car and went to A&E where they were expecting me.

A paediatrician examined him and asked loads of questions. Then a nurse came and put his willy in a bag that was taped to his belly. (Apparently cystitis can cause vomiting in babies). After waiting a while, a lady from the lab showed up to take blood from him. She pricked his heel and squeezed out some blood into a glass vial. After a while, the blood wasn't flowing too well, so she pricked him again. Then she still couldn't get enough blood out, so she pricked his other heel. When that wasn't working either, she pricked his finger and finally managed to get enough blood. Poor Jake was screaming as loud as he could and his heels are black & blue now! We had to wait for the results, but luckily I could feed him there as we had a room to ourselves.

After a full 3 hours in A&E another paediatrician came and told us the results of the blood tests were fine. Everything else was fine too - they'd weighed him and he'd put on another 700 g in just over a week! The doctor said it was probably a stomach virus and I would have to keep an eye on him and make sure he gets enough fluids. I was so glad it was nothing in the end, but they take this kind of thing very seriously in a baby so young. They kind of scared me by getting me to rush down to A&E, but I'd rather go there once too often than once too little.

When we got home, Jake was in a deep, exhausted sleep. After I'd fed him, he filled his nappy to the extent that there was poo between his shoulder blades! Since then, he seems really happy, with only two bruised heels to show for his hospital adventure.

If in doubt...

Never in my entire life have I been so insecure as since I became a mum. At first it was all the advice we kept getting from everyone, much of it contradicting itself. Then came the health problems with Jake - wasn't I feeding him correctly? was I wrong in persisting with breastfeeding? Now things are going well with feeding and Jake's weight, I have found myriad other things to worry about. How long should we keep Jake's crib in our room? Is it wrong to let him sleep for a long time during the day? If he falls asleep at the breast, should I put him to bed or try to wake him up somehow? etc etc. It's quite exhausting!

On the plus side - Jake is doing really well. On Tuesday I went to see the doctor at the health centre with him and I held my breath when they weighed him. He had put on 300 g in 6 days!! He had also grown another centimetre, making him 57 cm now. The doctor at the health centre was full of praise and she checked all his reflexes, which were very strong. He peed all over her examination mat, which amused me no end. His output has improved anyway, as he did a massive poo on Wednesday and twice on Thursday, one of which was so huge it was in his neck!

Finally, on Friday, I went back to the paediatrician who said he was very curious as to Jake's progress. I undressed the little man and the doctor exclaimed "Now, that's what we're looking for!" He caressed Jake's rotund belly and commented on his chubby cheeks. He then complimented me on the good milk I'm giving him. We weighed him and he'd put on 500 g since our last visit, 10 days ealier! When I told him about the poos he had done, the doctor just laughed and said I don't have to come to see him again as all the problems have been solved. I almost skipped out of the hospital!

However, my milk supply has been very up and down. In the mornings, after a good few hours' sleep, I have loads of milk, but towards the end of the day, my supply has noticeably dwindled. I have been weighing Jake before and after feeds, so I know how much he's getting. This morning that was 170 ml, but it can be as little as 40 ml. I still have no idea what affects my milk supply. Some people have less milk when they exercise, when they're tired, when they eat certain things - I can't pin it on anything yet and maybe I simply have less milk in the course of the day, no matter what I do. I don't know. I'm trying to express milk in between feeds to stimulate my breasts to produce more milk, but that doesn't really seem to be making a huge difference. Oh well, as long as Jake is contented and continues putting on weight, I don't really mind. Also, it gives me another issue to add to my list of worries...

Food of love

We went to see the paediatrician on Wednesday. He wasn't too concerned about Jake's poo-problem because he said you see most babies grow out of it as it's usually just a case of their digestive system being underdeveloped. He said we could give him a few drops of oil before each feed to help things along. However, he then weighed Jake and he is back under his birth weight!! This did worry the doctor massively. He went to consult a colleague, who then joined him and also examined Jake.

They both felt Jake seemed very healthy - alert, cheerful and certainly not ill. The other doctor had done research into this very problem - 'silent underfeeding through breastfeeding'. Silent, because the child seems contented. It is more common than you'd think, he said and it's usually down to the child's physical inability to get enough milk from the breast, as your breasts produce enough milk for your child. So he instructed me to get in touch with my lactation consultant to make a plan as to how we can get more of my breast milk into Jake. It basically entails expressing a fair bit in between feeds. The doctors want me to continue with the breast milk and come back to see them next Friday. Fingers crossed our little boy puts on some weight!

The paediatrician did ask me if I was still fully committed to breastfeeding and when I said yes, he breathed a sigh of relief and said that he was so happy to hear that. If we are going to fatten Jake up with something, then there is nothing better than breast milk to do that, according to him. Since Wednesday I have expressed between feeds and we've given that to Jake in addition to what he gets out of my breasts. On both Friday and Saturday he pooed all by himself!! I was so proud of him and so pleased that the extra milk already seems to be having an effect. It gave me the motivation to continue the whole cycle of feeding-expressing with renewed vigour.

A couple of people have told me 'well done' on my commitment to breastfeeding, but several have said "Oh, why don't you just give him formula?" Not really what I need to hear right now, a bit of support would be nice. It's almost as if some people think I'm mad for persisting with that crazy breastfeeding lark. I'm pleased I have done so though - Jake is doing so, so well. Because of all the expressing, my milk supply has increased dramatically too, so I can give Jake lots of my expressed milk in addition to what he drinks at the breast. I weigh him before and after a couple of feeds a day so I know how much he's getting from the breast and then I express after the feed. He's getting roughly half the milk out, so it's no wonder he was underfed. The doctors (and a few friends) said he will grow bigger & stronger and will then most likely be able to breastfeed much better. I really hope so, but I truly don't mind expressing in between feeds - I know who I'm doing it for and he is absolutely and entirely worth it!

Welcome to the madhouse

I had no idea having a baby was going to be this time-consuming! Finding a minute for myself has become a massive luxury and just finding the time to have a shower/have breakfast/go to the toilet is quite a challenge. Part of the reason for this is Jake's little not-pooing problem. I have now found out that babies under a month old should be pooing 3 -4 times a day up to once every 3 -4 days - anything more or less than that needs to be checked out by a doctor.

Last week Monday we took Jake to see our doctor after 10 days without a poo-filled nappy. When the doctor wanted to examine him, he had just filled his nappy! He was a lot happier after that, but didn't repeat the performance for the rest of the week and was in more & more pain after each feed. Awful to see and you feel so helpless not being able to do anything. We went back to the doctor on Friday and he prescribed an enema. We gave him the enema and he pooed a bit, but it was nowhere near what you'd expect after so many days and such frequent feeding.

Yesterday I got back in touch with the doctor and we got another enema. He has also referred us to a paediatrician, who we are going to see tomorrow. We gave him the enema yesterday evening and then I fed him, during which time I heard an orchestra of noises happening in his nappy. When I changed him, he had clearly emptied his bowels entirely! Since then, he has been a much happier, relaxed baby, so this is clearly his main issue. I'm very curious about what the paediatrician will say.

Other than that, Jake is a sweet, contented baby. He went through a growth spurt (I think) over the last couple of days, so I felt like I was feeding him continuously. Still, it feels good to know I'm feeding our child with the best possible food for him and it's coming from my body! At night, I feed him lying down and usually wake up a while later with one bare breast and a well-fed sleeping baby beside me. The last few nights, he's only been waking up once after a good 5 or 6-hour stretch, which is wonderful. Then when he feeds, he drinks for ages, but at least that lasts him till the morning.

I'm trying to train Jake to go to sleep when I put him in his crib. We kept putting him in his crib when he was already sound asleep and would pick him up again if he woke up and started crying. Now, I let him cry for a bit and the last few times he has fallen asleep by himself. Another step in the right direction!

As for me, I sometimes feel very vulnerable, very fragile, which is something I'm really not used to. The silliest things make me burst into tears, whereas I've never been someone who cries easily. Yesterday I was in a shopping centre with Jake and saw a man get arrested for stealing. Normally I would have been fascinated by this real-life drama, but yesterday the man's hardened face made me well up with tears for bringing Jake into this cold, hard world. I feel like I've taken leave of my senses. Also, as a young mum, you get so much advice from so many different people and that sometimes makes me feel really insecure. I've chosen a certain path and then someone will give me advice that makes it clear I perhaps haven't chosen the right path. I'm trying to go with my instincts, but I also want to do the best possible thing for my little boy and all this conflicting advice sometimes makes me wobble.

I feel really protective over Jake and my motherly instinct will raise its head at the strangest moments. I don't mind people cuddling him or walking around with him, but I hate it when people kiss him. That just feels really intimate and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I never expected motherhood would bring so many bewildering changes with it. It's fascinating, frustrating, painful and wonderful all at once.

Pieces of the puzzle

Jake is coming along in leaps and bounds. After a weight loss from 4045 g to 3500 g in the first week, we had him weighed on day 13 and he was 4110 g!! He had also grown 2 cm in 2 weeks, so at least we know he's doing fine in the growth stakes. It also means he's obviously getting enough nourishment, which is a relief after the shaky start we made.

He has also discovered breastfeeding. Three days ago, I tried to get him to latch on in the early morning and he suddenly did so perfectly, without so much as a whimper, as if he'd been breastfeeding from day 1. He completely drank me dry and fell into a deep sleep, only to wake up again a few hours later and do the same thing. I was amazed! For the last 3 days he has been exclusively breastfeeding and when R hands me the baby, he latches on before I've even got the rest of his body in my arms, he's that keen. It's as if he has suddenly clicked - oh, so that's what those things are for! It's both wonderful and exhausting, because now R can't help out anymore, beyond handing Jake to me. I'm not complaining though - I'm just so pleased he's figured it out.

The night before last, I had fed Jake for ages, R changed his nappy and the little man was yawning like crazy. Perfect recipe for a contentedly sleeping baby, right? Wrong. He dropped off to sleep, we put him in his crib and his eyes snapped open, as if we had just given him a caffeine injection. He started crying, so we gave him a finger to suck on, which often calms him. After half an hour of finger-sucking, we were getting rather fed up, but Jake's eyes were wide open and he didn't look like he was going to go to sleep anytime soon. This started in the early evening and by 1 am, we were still walking around, cradling a screaming baby. We were both ready to throttle him and I was in floods of tears from frustration. There is a 24-hour helpline we can use, so I called them and got the answer "Babies sometimes do this." Their advice was to try and distract him in some way, by giving him a finger to suck on (check), walking around with him (check), speaking to him in soothing tones (check) or taking a drive with him. I didn't really feel like a drive in the middle of the night, so I lay down in bed with him, gave him a finger (for the nth time that night) and 5 minutes later he was asleep. Why hadn't he done that hours before? Complete mystery.

One thing is that Jake hasn't pooed for about a week now, but he does incredibly smelly farts, during which he crunches up into a ball. This could have been the problem that night, but apparently breastfed babies often don't poo more often than once or twice a week, or sometimes as little as once a fortnight. Formula milk can make them constipated, but breast milk is so light and easy to digest that there is very little waste for them to get rid of. Seeing Jake has had both over the last week, it could be that he is a bit constipated, so we are very much looking forward to his next poo-filled nappy!

Last night I fed Jake and put him in his crib when he'd fallen asleep. Once he was there, his eyes snapped open and he was wide awake. Again. I gave him a finger to suck on, but after 20 minutes, the eyes were still wide open and I sure as hell wasn't going to sit there with my finger in his mouth for the next few hours! So I got his dummy and gave it to him. He sucked on it a couple of times and then it fell out of his mouth and he started screaming again. When I tried to give him the dummy again, he opened his mouth wide (like they do for breastfeeding) and couldn't grab hold of the dummy. I've never heard of a baby who can't suck on a dummy! Finally, R took him into bed with him, gave him a finger to suck on and let him fall asleep that way.

When Jake woke later on for a feed, I fed him lying down and we both fell asleep until he woke up for his next feed. The same thing happened that time, but after that feed, we put him in his crib and he slept till 10 am! Ahhh, bliss. So we're not there by a long shot, but we have had a relatively peaceful night. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he settles more easily after he has finally pooed. Or if we manage to teach him to suck on a dummy. Or both! Babies are such a mystery. Every time you have found another piece of the puzzle, you realise the puzzle has a lot more pieces than you originally thought.

Step by step

Jake is a pretty content little boy - most of the time. We're still getting used to each other and learning to communicate. The night before last he screamed for ages, whereas he'd been fed, changed, cuddled and fed again. Turned out the little mite was still hungry, which was pretty unbelievable. Yesterday was the day that he upped his milk intake, so he was quite grouchy, but he's sleeping like a little angel now. I've been a bit weepy because I worry about him and I'm a bit stressed about the breastfeeding problems I've been having with him.

Because Jake was a ventouse delivery, he had a massive headache the first few days (apparently the equivalent of a concussion for an adult) and didn't feel like drinking. He lost too much weight that way, so my midwife insisted I give him formula as well as the breast milk. In order for him not to get used to a teat on a bottle, we are giving him the formula through 'finger feeding' - you put a finger in his mouth and insert a syringe with a pointed rubber attachment next to your finger. When he starts sucking hard, you squirt small amounts of milk in his mouth. He was refusing the breast most of the time, so I'm expressing and we give him that by finger feeding as well.

I wasn't expressing sufficient milk either, but I called a lactation consultant who did a home visit. She recommended expressing every 2 hours when Jake doesn't feed at the breast or 1 hour after each feed when he does. The more you feed/express, the more milk you produce. I'm also taking a homeopathic breastfeeding syrup, which has really helped increase my milk production (it doubled in 2 days!) The last couple of days he has had almost only breast milk and he is practically back at his birth weight.

Yesterday he breastfed no less than four times and six times today - I'm so proud of our big boy! We still have to supplement this with the finger feeding, but I still have high hopes that we will be able to stop the finger feeding altogether before long.

Every day is another step in the right direction and we are getting to know Jake better & better.

Jake has arrived!!

I got to the hospital at 7 am on Thursday when they were going to give me a gel to hopefully stimulate the contractions. However, the baby’s heartbeat became very low when I got a Braxton Hicks contraction, so they decided not to use the gel – once the gel is in there, you can’t go back and if the baby gets distressed it could all get very messy. So they changed the plan and said they were going to break my waters instead.

They broke my waters at about 8 am and waited for my contractions to start. They did, but were too mild, so I got intravenous drugs to stimulate them. They started coming hard & fast after a while and it was so exhausting! They were really painful and I squeezed the life out of R's arm! I felt like I was running the marathon, with R mopping my brow after every contraction and trying desperately to get my strength back before the next one. Finally, at the end of the afternoon, I started getting the urge to push, but I wasn't dilated far enough. Most frustrating.

At last, around 6 pm, they told me I could start to push, which was a massive relief. I pushed and pushed and pushed, but Jake just wasn't coming far enough from under my pelvic bone. After a good hour, they said I would start to lose my strength, so they gave me an episiotomy and put a suction cup on his head. Two women were hanging on it, trying to pull him out and then the suction cup came off! So the poor little mite had to have the cup put back on his head and finally they pulled him out with quite some force.

They put him on my belly and he cried for a bit, pooed on me and then just wriggled around - wonderful feeling. After a good half an hour, they took him off to weigh him and it was then that I saw how huge he was! 4045 g, with massive hands & feet! When they measured him the next day, it turned out he is 54 cm, so a big fella all in all.

We spent that night in the hospital and managed a few hours’ sleep. R was allowed to take us home the next morning and for the next week we get home care every day (standard practice in Holland) – they take care of Jake and us, help with the breastfeeding, check my stitches, keep the house clean, keep track of Jake’s temperature and nappies, make the bed, help me shower etc etc. Wonderful!

When they stitched me up, it turned out I had also torn quite a bit, so I have a lot of stitches and that is probably the worst bit for me. But I am actually sitting ON my stitches - best thing for them, apparently!

Jake has worked out breastfeeding now and drinks like a trooper. He sleeps very well too and loves to be cuddled, as long as you avoid his sore head. That is already improving though and he should be fine in a few days. My swelling has gone down a bit and I’m slightly more mobile today than yesterday, but I shuffle around like an old lady when I’m up & about.

He has black hair, blue eyes and looks like neither of us!

A helping hand

This afternoon we went back to the gynaecologist. They first hooked me up to the heart monitor - the baby's heart was beating away like it should and the baby was wriggling around the whole time. Then they did a quick scan and the sonographer said "Oh, here's a tiny bit of amniotic fluid." When I heard that, I pretty much knew what the gynaecologist was going to say. He said the heart was perfect and apparently I had a few contractions while I was attached to the monitor. So he still has hope that the baby will come out naturally. But if not, then I have to be at the hospital at 7 am tomorrow and they will insert some gel which should help my cervix to dilate. The gynae hopes that my uterus will take over at that point and that I will have an almost-natural birth. It could still take a while, but they need to speed things up now that the placenta is not working as well as it should be, thus producing less amniotic fluid.

This is very exciting! I could be a mum tomorrow! Or the day after, or tonight even. I've been walking around the house, doing all those last-minute things that really aren't that important. And I just bought some baby clothes off eBay. Crucial stuff.

Come on baby!

Went to see the gynaecologist the day before yesterday and he was fantastic. They gave me a scan and monitored the baby's heartbeat for a good half an hour. R was with me and he kept tapping my belly, which made a loud sound on the monitor, hoping to scare the nursing staff!

Anyway, the gynae told me my due date is wrong! They initially gave me a due date of 21 June, based on the date of my last period. However, the dating scan gave me a due date of 16 June, so the midwife changed it. The gynae said this is against their protocol and she shouldn't have changed it unless the difference was more than 7 days. So he has now given me a new due date of 20 June, making me 9 days overdue, rather than 13. If I haven't given birth in the meantime, he would like to see me again in a week's time.

I had plenty of fluid, the baby's heartbeat was fine and my blood pressure is great, so he told me to keep going as I am. He's very much opposed to inducing a birth. He said that the most important thing is that mother & baby are doing well and as long as that is so, there is absolutely no reason to help things along. The baby decides when it's ready and the womb is ready - whether that's at 38 weeks or at 43 weeks. If I go very far overdue, they will monitor me closely to make sure the fluid is sufficient and the placenta is still doing its thing, but he will only induce me if absolutely necessary. I could have kissed him!

So, it could still take a while, but at least I'm being monitored well now. I feel very good about the situation as it is.

The greatness of lateness

This baby is now 1 week and 1 day late and I'm starting to get impatient! I know they say the baby will come out when it's ready and it will all happen in God's time. I know this and I realise it is the truth but...I want to meet this child of ours!!! Last weekend I was "officially" due and I spent the whole weekend feeling all kinds of twinges and cramps, but nothing spectacular happened. Since then, every potential 'sign' has me sitting up and taking notice - it's really quite exhausting! I think I will miss my bump though - for one thing, it's very handy for placing your breakfast on.

The last few days I've been feeling some tightening feelings in my lower abdomen which aren't exactly comfortable. Sometimes they come at fairly regular intervals, but then they disappear altogether for hours at a time. This morning I was woken up at some ungodly hour by a massive contraction - my whole womb contracted and stayed that way for a good minute before relaxing again. I was annoyed at being woken up from a really good night's sleep, but also very relieved that something was happening. I had two more smaller contractions at 15-minute intervals and that was it. Most frustrating.

This Tuesday I saw my midwife and she said the baby was not quite fully engaged but very low in my pelvis. She also said that if I'm still pregnant at our appointment next Tuesday, she will refer me to a gynaecologist so we can plan when and how to induce me. I really, really don't want to be induced, so I'm willing the baby to do its thing before Tuesday.

The waiting is getting annoying for R too. The Friday before I was due, he tidied his desk, handed some work over to his colleagues and rounded off several projects he was working on. The next Monday he was at his desk again. He can't start anything that might take longer than 1 day because he might not be at work the next day. Unfortunately, there's only so much work you can do that will only take a day to do. So baby, for your daddy's sake as well as mine - please put in an appearance!

The Waiting Game

So, this baby can come any moment now - my due date is in 3 days' time. Three days!!! It seems like such a short period of time has passed since I was counting the months, then the weeks and now we're talking days. Gulp. Am I ready? Well, how ready can you be? I've stocked up on rompers and nappies and breast pads and sleeping bags. The cradle has been ready & waiting for a good few months, the nursery looks lovely and we've thought of a name. However, I don't feel at all prepared for what is to come.

For the last 39 weeks, a little person has been growing inside me. I've felt it have the hiccups, stamp on my ribs with its little feet, press its head down on my bladder. My belly has grown and grown and grown some more. My breasts are no longer my breasts. I've seen numerous scans on which our baby wriggled around and showed us its 10 fingers and 10 toes. We've seen its little heart beat and watched the blood flow through the umbilical cord. I know a baby is going to come out of me one day soon. I just can't imagine finally holding our child. It's such a monumental thing - to have created a small human being who will be in our lives until the day we die, who will be completely dependent on us for a good few years. Phew.

Right now, I'm in no rush to give birth. I can wait a few more days, or even a week or two if need be. I can still get around perfectly well, can cycle to the shops and I'm enjoying these days of reading, knitting, pottering around the house and doing all kinds of things I never had the time for. We've got the mortgage sorted out for our new house, so now our current house is officially for sale and we have had several people come to view the house already. Two more are planned for tomorrow, so I've told the baby to wait until after that. I was offered the job I wanted at the beginning of last week and I went to HR to sort out the contract this morning. I will start after my maternity leave ends and it's a part-time job with exactly the hours I wanted, so that's a weight off my mind. All we need to do now is sell this house. And have a baby.

A lady of leisure

Here I am on a sunny June morning, with no bigger decision to make than whether or not I should take my cup of tea & book outside or should I stay inside, where it's cooler. I have settled surprisingly quickly into this lady-of-leisure mode and am enjoying it thoroughly! I can still sleep really well, so I'm taking advantage of good nights' sleep and reading in bed in the mornings, propped up on a few pillows until I get too hungry. Last week I bought the last few bits & bobs for the baby, so there is nothing left that has to be done. I've even packed my hospital bag. For the last week, I've been sleeping on a plastic sheet, which is sweltering but will be very necessary if my waters break in bed, as I'm carrying well over a litre in there!

This weekend I had a surprise baby shower. My mum had called me a few weeks ago to tell me to keep Saturday free as she wanted to go out for the day with me and my best friend, S. I thought we were going for an afternoon of shopping in Belgium, so I packed my passport and we went to pick up S. When we got to her house, she told us to come in for a moment as she wasn't quite ready. We walked into the living room and it was completely decorated in pink & blue, with a big circle of my female friends standing there, grinning away. I was completely bowled over! We had (non-alcoholic) champagne and went to sit outside in the sunny garden.

There was a huge table full of yummy food, as everyone had brought something. As a centrepiece, there was a nappy cake, made by the very creative S. She had also prepared all kinds of lists - tips for the birth, how to tell the sex of your baby, what to do if the baby is overdue etc. She gave me an apple tree to plant in the garden of our new house and everyone wrote good wishes on little cards, which were then hung in the tree. They made me do a little sketch, in which I had to hang up the laundry, answer the phone and pick up my crying baby (doll), all at the same time. Then my mum came 'in' and had to change the baby's nappy as practice for later - she was amazed at how easy these modern nappies are! Finally I was handed a huge basket full of presents from everyone, as well as some from people who couldn't make it. I was truly showered in gifts and good wishes and have been spoilt rotten!

Today my parents are coming to help me clean the house. There is only so much you can do with a big bump and scrubbing the bathroom floor is not one of those things. The funny thing is, my bump is big, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. Getting dressed and rolling over in bed are now quite time-consuming activities, but that's just part & parcel of being pregnant. The only thing I don't like is that I've suddenly sprouted some stretch marks. I was quite surprised they took this long to appear, but it's a bit of a slap in the face to get them this late on in pregnancy, when I'd thought I would escape unscathed. I suppose I'll have to get my head around thinking of them as a "badge of honour"...

I've made up my mind now - I will retire to the garden with a book and a mug of tea. Ah, decisions, decisions.

Silence before the storm

I've come to the end of my first week of maternity leave. The first few days were a little strange - I felt really restless, as if I should be doing something, except there was nothing I had to do. On the Tuesday I had a day out with a friend who was over from America, which was really nice and relaxing. I managed to walk surprisingly far and everyone I met said the same thing to me: "Ooh, not long to go now!"

I had quite a few phone calls and e-mails from my work in the first few days. In a way it is nice to be missed and I enjoy hearing all the gossip from my colleagues. They gave me a really nice send-off last week, complete with cake and a huge pile of presents. I felt very relaxed when I left, as I know I've left my job, my first 'baby' in good hands. It was very, very strange though, to tidy my desk and pack up my stuff for the last time for 5 whole months.

This last Wednesday I actually had a job interview! My boss wants my job to remain a full-time job and I want to cut back with a couple of days. He got talking to another manager within the company who was looking for a part-timer with exactly my background. It was most bizarre having a job interview with a huge bump and the baby wriggling away the entire time. I will hear a definite answer within the next two weeks, so hopefully I'll know before the baby arrives.

On Wednesday evening we went to a financial advisor to sort out our mortgage. We have now signed the initial contract for the new house, so that ball is rolling. The estate agent has been to our current home to take photos for the brochure and website. Next week our house will officially be for sale and we're hoping to sell it fairly quickly. Depending on when we sell it, we will move to the new house anytime between 1st August and 1st October (the owners of the new house are flexible). So our baby will have its first few months in this house, in a tiny room, before moving to the new house, where there is a huge room ready & waiting.

After a few busy days, I have now settled into a more relaxed frame of mind and I'm starting to like being on maternity leave. I saw the midwife, who did a scan to make sure everything was normal. The baby is a completely average size, but I have a lot of amniotic fluid. "A large swimming pool", she said. It doesn't look like the birth will be happening early, which is good as I want to enjoy my leave for a few weeks. Everything else was fine too, which certainly helps in making me feel relaxed.

R and I both talk to the baby quite a lot now - after a few awkward words in the beginning of the pregnancy, the baby has become a part of our family already. Sometimes you can clearly feel a leg or an arm move around and at least once or twice a day, the baby gets the hiccups. In fact, it is hiccuping away now, as I write. Only 3 more weeks or so until we meet this little squirming creature and the anticipation is building! We are both so looking forward to being able to cuddle our child. After all these months with my growing belly, we are now mere weeks away from having a child. I have a sneaky feeling we won't know what's hit us!

Getting ready

This having a baby malarky certainly fills your time! The girl who will be replacing me during my maternity leave started this week and has been keeping me busy during working hours. She learns very quickly, but I'm very aware I have to pass on as much of my knowledge as I can. After 6 years in the same job, this is no mean feat.

The evenings are equally busy - prenatal yoga, breastfeeding information evenings, visiting friends while I can still do so easily, getting the nursery ready etc etc. Add to this the fact that we've been in negotiations for a new house the last couple of weeks and we're doing lots of DIY on this house to make it more attractive to potential buyers and there is very little time to put my feet up. It has been unseasonably hot the last few weeks, with temperatures above 20 degrees every day and this has a very unattractive effect on my ankles, making them swell so much they actually hang over my shoes. This makes putting my feet up a necessity and I've started sleeping with my end of the mattress raised as well.

I'm feeling increasingly enormous - the bump seems to grow visibly each day and it is becoming more cumbersome. I can still get around very well, but I can notice the extra weight I'm lugging around every day now. Still, the baby seems to have enough room to move around as it wriggles about merrily on a regular basis. A few days ago, R told the baby to turn so it would be head down (rather than the transverse position it had occupied for weeks). The next morning I was still in bed when the baby suddenly started to be very active and seemed to be all elbows and knees. When I got out of bed, walking felt very uncomfortable, as if there was a boulder in my lower abdomen. A visit to the midwife that morning confirmed that the baby had listened to dad and was now head down! I had been telling the baby to do this for weeks, but obviously R's voice bears more authority...

The nursery is as good as ready. The cradle has been put together and the mattress and bedding are ready and waiting. Putting it together was rather special as it's my cradle from when I was a baby and now I was putting it together for my baby. The changing table has also been put together and all the freshly washed baby clothes are in the drawers. There are nappies on the shelves, zinc cream, baby oil and wet wipes beside the changing mat and the baby monitor is ready for use. The feeding cushion has become my nightly bed companion as I can place it under my bump and between my knees for a comfortable sleeping position. My hospital bag is practically packed - every time I buy something I will need in the hospital, I put it in the bag. Now the baby just needs to stay head down and I need to get through these last 2 weeks at work, so we can enjoy my maternity leave and prepare ourselves for finally meeting each other.

Hello gorgeous

Yesterday was a real baby-filled day. Firstly, in the morning I had to go to the hospital for another scan to check the baby's kidneys. When they saw they were enlarged at 20 weeks, they told me to come back around 30 weeks to see if they had gone down to their normal size. I was calm because deep down I just knew it was going to be fine. R was convinced of this as well, so I was full of good faith when the sonographer spread the gel on my belly. She measured the head, the belly, the heart and everything looked good. Then she started hunting around for the kidneys. One was nice and small, well within the norm and the other was so small she could barely measure it - very, very good. I was so proud of our little child!

When the sonographer started comparing the measurements to the growth charts, she said it is a very large baby. The head is over 2 weeks ahead of the normal growth patterns and the rest of the body is also about 2 weeks ahead. It doesn't mean I got my dates wrong, just that our child is a quick grower. I suppose with parents this tall, it was bound to be a big child anyway, but this does fill me with dread when I think about the birth...

In the evening we had a private scan booked with a sonographer who does 3D and 4D scans. We could see the baby so clearly!! She started off with a normal 2D scan (but with much better equipment than the hospital) and when we'd seen all the different body parts in detail and the baby was facing forward, she switched to 3D. Suddenly we were looking straight in the face of our child! And what a cute little face it was too! The sonographer looked at both our noses and then declared the baby has its mum's nose. The full lips are definitely R's though. She kept focusing back on the face and I was glad of that - it's absolutely fascinating to be able to admire that little face which hasn't even been born yet! Even the sonographer said it is a really good-looking baby and I couldn't agree more.

After a while the baby was clearly fed up and put its arms and legs in front of its face. This gave the sonographer the opportunity to measure the various limbs and she'd also measured the head and torso. She said it is a very big child and also said its growth and development is about 2 weeks ahead. Based on all the measurements, she predicts the birth will be 5 days earlier, on 11th June. We shall see.

All in all we got 45 minutes of baby-viewing. Sturdy little arms, long legs, my turned-up nose, R's lips and a full head of hair already! I feel like I 'know' the baby much better now. Also, I can't wait to see if these pictures are close to the real thing. 9 more weeks and we'll find out...