Hello again!

At our scan last week, I was so disappointed about not having brought a blank video tape with me because I had no idea I could. I had one little photo, but I wanted more proof! Not just for me, but also to show to the baby once they're old enough. Anyway, I booked a private scan for this morning with a sonographer recommended by my midwife. R couldn't take more time off work and had already seen a scan very recently, so we decided I could take my parents. They were thrilled!

This morning two very excited grandparents-to-be picked me up at home and we drove to the medical centre where I was getting the scan. As soon as the sonographer found the baby, both my parents went "Ooohhh.." They spent the rest of the 20 minute session saying very little apart from "Ooh" and "Ahhh" - I have to admit I did my fair share too! The baby stretched its arms and legs and then had a big stretch of its back. The heart was beating very clearly and I heard it for the first time.

The sonographer then switched from 2D to 4D but it looked like baby was sleeping (apparently they do that for 22 hours a day, lazy little things). I was trying to will it to move, when suddenly an arm started waving around, then the other arm, then the legs...it looked like the baby was dancing! Then (s)he turned around completely and lay still again. (S)he gave a little repeat performance and then the scan was over. I have it all on DVD though! I've already watched it once by myself and then again when R got home. I dare say this will be my favourite DVD for quite a while to come.

Gimme a 'C'!

I've always been small in the breast department and my excitement was so great when I moved up to a B-cup from an A-cup that I phoned my mum on the other side of the world to tell her. I was 18 and I thought I would be stuck with my B-cup boobs for the rest of my life. Lately, however, my bras haven't been too comfortable and when I took my bra off at night I has these bright red lines across my swollen bosom. I also recently started sporting the very attractive 4-boob look, so I thought the time might have come for a new bra.

I found some pregnancy bras in town yesterday - they "grow with you" - but they were such hideous contraptions I couldn't imagine ever wearing one with dignity. I may be pregnant, but I still have taste. So today I popped into a large department store and raided their lingerie department. I grabbed a handful of soft-looking bras both in my size and a C-cup. I felt a bit silly as I tried on my first C-cup bra as I was convinced it would be huge. It fit like a glove! And it was so comfortable! I tried on all the others and all the C-cups fit perfectly. Grinning inanely, I went to the cashier clutching 3 new (C-cup!) bras. Three? Well, of course I need a black one and a white one and that skin coloured one was just so soft... When I got home my first words were not "Hello" or "I'm home" but "I'm a C-cup!"

Baby in motion

We had our first scan today! I was up really early because I was incredibly wound up about it all. All sorts of scenarios flashed through my mind, the most common one being that they wouldn't see anything. The sonographer was a nice lady and she got me to lie down on the bed and put some warm gel on my stomach - that was nice, especially considering I had an incredibly full bladder and couldn't guarantee I wouldn't wet myself if the gel had been cold. She put the scanner on my tummy and there it was, our little baby, larger than life on the monitor! My eyes filled with tears as she said "There he is," and pointed out the rapidly beating little heart.

There are two white lines in the head (on the left), which were apparently its jaws. He or she was incredibly active, waving its arms and legs around and bouncing its bum up and down. It was almost as if he/she was saying "Hello mum! I am really here! See all my moves?" R was sitting next to the bed, in complete silence, just staring intensely at the monitor. I was so glad he was there to share that moment with me.

It's all so real now. I've seen our baby, complete with moving arms, legs, bum and heart. I have a real little person growing inside me. I'm on cloud nine.

Stats

Midwives and other news

On Tuesday we went to see the midwife for the first time. First of all she gave me a bag full of freebies - magazines, creams, baby bonnet, bootees etc. Even pregnancy has become commercialised! Then she asked us loads of questions about our medical histories, any hereditary stuff and the pregnancy so far. She came to the same due date as I did - 21st June - but said it could be a week off either way because I had no idea of the length of my cycles. She also weighed me, took my blood pressure (all fine) and tested my urine for diabetes and something else. Then came the moment we'd been waiting for - an ultrasound scan! She put some gel on my tummy, started scanning and then grumbled, flicked some switches and generally looked displeased. The stupid ultrasound machine had decided to pack it in! She was very apologetic, tried to find the heart beat with a dop-tone thingie, but the foetus was too small. Then she felt with her hands and said she could feel the foetus clearly (oh really? why can't I??) and it was quite high above my pelvic bone, indicating that I could perhaps be further along than I thought. All in all, a disappointing end to an exciting appointment.

Coming Thursday I'm going to a medical centre to have my dating scan and I'm counting the days! I'm really hoping R can make it too - if he's swamped at work it will be nigh on impossible, but this is the kind of thing you really want to do together. I'm terrified they will tell me there's nothing there and the whole pregnancy is a figment of my rather colourful imagination. Apparently I will have similar fears throughout the pregnancy...something to look forward to!

Last weekend we told our two best friends and they were both so incredibly pleased for us. R's best friend recently became a dad himself and I think he's glad he will have someone to share his experiences with. My best friend, S, has two kids of her own and is already giving me loads of advice. She laughed at me when I told her about all my fears and worries - the indignity! She then explained it was because it was all so recognisable and she told me about some of her own ludicrous fears. I feel it has forged an even closer bond between us and I'm looking forward to sharing all my experiences with her over the next months.

And how am I doing? Knackered, mostly. I fell asleep at about 8 pm last night, which was good as we went to R's brother's birthday party afterwards and of course, I was to be the designated driver and I needed the energy. I'm having quite a bit of lower back pain which is apparently related to the fact that my uterus tilts backwards. The sore/big boob thing is going through a little dip at the moment, which makes sleeping much easier, but brings with it more worries. The last couple of days I've felt quite sick in the afternoon, which isn't particularly pleasant but strangely soothing.

5 more days till my dating scan...

Starting to believe it...

This whole thing is becoming more & more real every day. Two weeks ago we went away for a week with the in-laws. From the first day of the holiday, we realised we weren't going to be able to keep this one quiet.
"Fancy a beer?"
"Er, no...I'm a bit tired see...just a Coke will do..."
"Some wine with dinner?"
"Ooh, the wine doesn't look too great here, just a glass of water thanks."
"Or a beer?"
"No, just some water..."
Suspicious looks all round. When we were wandering around the shops after dinner, my father-in-law spotted a sign that read 't-shirts for mother' and he said to me, "Something for you, perhaps?" OK, we're not fooling anyone.

Over drinks (beers for them, 7-Up for me), we decided to tell them. R said to his dad that he will only have a few weeks of normal retirement next year - after that it will be granddad retirement. It took a while for the penny to drop, but when it did there were kisses all round and for the first few days, the conversation revolved around nothing else. It was so nice to be able to talk about it freely!

When we got back from holiday, we went straight to my parents' house. We gave them presents from the holiday and then I handed over a magazine for grandparents and said "This will come in useful." My mum didn't twig immediately but when she asked me if I was pregnant and I nodded, she started shrieking madly. Both my parents showered us with hugs and kisses and my mum started reminiscing about her pregnancy with me. I normally share everything with my mum, so this was a great relief and now I can phone her freely for advice.

During our holiday, however, my boobs stopped hurting so much and even seemed to shrink a bit. I started worrying that the flight might have affected the embryo or that the food I'd eaten out there had perhaps killed it. Or that telling the in-laws had jinxed it. When I was lying in the sun, I worried it might overheat. When I was eating pancakes, I worried they might not be cooked through. When I got cramps, I was convinced it was the beginning of the end. In that sense, the holiday was anything but relaxing for me.

Once we were back home, my boobs started hurting more again, so perhaps they go through phases too. After a few days they were hurting so much, I couldn't lie on my side because that makes them hang to the side and it's painful. I couldn't lie on my back because plain old gravity makes them hurt. Obviously, I couldn't lie on my front either, so lying in bed required some creativity. I've found a position now where I kind of crunch up in a ball and support my boobs with my arms. That'll do me for the time being.

The new development for this week is tiredness. A few days ago, I was reading and couldn't for the life of me keep my eyes open. It was 9 pm! I finally managed to stay awake until 10 pm and dragged my exhausted body to bed and rolled myself into a boob-friendly ball. The next day I was watching a DVD and actually fell asleep midway through it. R woke me and took me to bed, with me protesting I hadn't seen the end yet (although seeing the ending after having missed half the film would have been pretty pointless...). I've managed to arrange things at work so I don't have to go to a trade show in Paris next week. That's tiring at the best of times, but if I can't stay awake after 9 pm, it would be a living nightmare. My colleagues were disappointed, but I'm sure they'll understand when I explain the true reason to them in a few weeks.

When I was on the phone with my best friend a few days ago, I kept having to bite my tongue. I so want to tell her! Especially when she told me to call her as soon as I have 'news', which is her code for "call me when you're pregnant". I just let out a strangled "Mm-hmm" and hung up the phone very quickly.

On the one hand, I'm worrying incessantly, imagining all the many things that can go wrong. I've stopped reading pregnancy books because they contain way too much information about miscarriages and the like. Every twinge and cramp triggers my imagination and starts me imagining ectopic pregnancies, rupturing placentas (which I don't even have yet!) and worse. On the other hand, I'm so excited and so happy & thankful, that I just want to tell the whole world! One of my collegues commented that I looked wonderful and was "glowing" - that is exactly the way I feel most of the time. I'm growing a baby inside of me and it's the most awe-inspiring, wonderful, beautiful thing. Wow.