A new beginning

As if having a baby and moving house wasn't enough upheaval, I have to go back to work tomorrow. Not only will I be working again, but I'm starting a new job too! In a way, this is a blessing - I will be faced with so many new things at work that I won't have quite so much time to miss Jake. Also, being busy with Jake means I don't have quite so much time to get nervous about my new job! However, it is the start of a completely new phase in our life together and I'm dreading it more than I have ever dreaded anything. For the last 12 weeks, Jake and I have spent 24 hours a day together and now suddenly I have to leave him behind for a whole entire day. I will be leaving him with my parents (tomorrow) and my best friend (the other 2 days), so I know he'll be in good hands, but it's still a wrench.

It's ironic really - we've just settled into a routine and we know exactly what Jake's different sounds mean. Just as life is settling down a bit, it will all be in turmoil again. I have sterilised a whole lot of bottles and my frozen breast milk is thawing in the fridge. My breast pump is ready and waiting to be taken to work tomorrow and I have a bag full of nappies, change of clothes and a bottle warmer to take to my parents. I also have a heavy feeling in my heart and tears that are very close to the surface.